Date: 27th July, year 2006
Estimated Time: around 8:50 in the morning
Mood: dark, woebegone, and definitely out of sorts…
Last-Song-Syndrome Tune: Goin’ Crazy (Natalie)
Bookish Fix: “Blink * The Power of Thinking Without Thinking” by Malcolm Gladwell (Introduction, Sub-Chapter 2: The Internal Computer, page 16)
The sun was almost elusive today, as I solemnly trudged the long, grueling road toward my ominous destination. Up above, overcast clouds pushed their way in front of the planet’s only source of daylight once again, just as it had done these past couple of weeks. I guess it’s rather inescapable, as the storm that recently hit our motherland had only just begun to leave our country skies after all; this according to the insignificant bit of news I happened to catch a glimpse of that same foreboding morning. And while admittedly, this was the sunniest it had been in a really long while, it still left a gloomy, almost somber mood hanging in the air. I was completely at peace with it, though. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly the jovial type. And although I terribly worried that rain might start pouring at any moment then, I have to admit that it did suit my tepid disposition at the time. As I took another weary step along the cracked, cemented road of the said dismal street, the same question ran through my preoccupied thoughts once more. Why am I doing this?
It had been nearly four months since I decided that (get ready) I didn’t want to work anymore at my call-center job, for reasons too personal, not to mention quite humiliating, to recall. Actually, that’s a flat out lie. Granted, I did feel very lonely working for that company (God, give me strength), but the only real reason why I “left”, so to speak, was because I was overcome with a strong sense of monotony, stronger than any I have ever felt in all my twenty-one droning years of the pathetic existence I frequently, some days more than others, refer to as life. It was pure, unadulterated tedium, what I was doing every single, debilitating day, and the lethargy of it all plainly burned me out. And as I am a self-confessed slacker (and apparently damned proud of it), it was easy as pie for the last remaining shreds of my weak convictions in life, and whatever sorry sense of professional ethics I have somewhat accumulated over several years of corporate industry immersion, to succumb to temptations of slothfulness and idle indulgence, however marginal the stimuli are. Ah yes, that’s us for you, the inadequate dregs to a suffering human society, perpetual dark horses to your venerable hypocritical farces. Yeah, I really won’t be the least bit surprised when humanity finally decides to oust me from sentient planet-life. Nevertheless, I digress. As I was saying, the work had become seemingly inane and pointless from my sordid perspective. Clearly, the chances of growth within the company were becoming slim to none with every passing week. New procedures kept piling atop continually reducing call-handling minutes, while the evident requisite for flawlessness and fastidiousness, as is the actual nature of the job, is given even more emphasis, unnecessary though it may seem, so it had become virtually impossible to garner acceptable monthly scores required for any decent promotion. Again, I feel the need to reiterate that the tedium that came with the job after eleven and a half months definitely suffices the deluge of anguished company employees to the nth power. With no more than the same stagnant position to look forward to, every passing day of every passing month, it simply is no wonder that one can and will inexorably lose his motivation, however self-motivated they primarily claimed to be. At the end of the day, the job just doesn’t seem as sound and unassailable as it used to do anymore. And if the motivation cannot come from within, I steadfastly believe that it must then come from outside sources, in this case, the immediate superiors, and in turn, the company itself. Unfortunately, this was not the case in my team. And should this not be addressed by the ones placed in authority? I say nay. For without the force of the subordinate masses, will there be end result? Will there be progress for the company, profit and productivity-wise, if their own employees are subconsciously revolting against the exhaustion and weariness brought about by (so help me God) each and every long, thankless, unrewarding day, when there are much greener pastures to be grazed further along this booming industry’s roads? Seriously, though, forget compensation, I wanted loyalty! The very same loyalty I exhibited for the company whom I thought would take care of me. My defense rests herewith.
Subsequently, after a much-needed vacation in a somewhat humdrum beach, only made pleasurable by the company of friends and acquaintances, I was compelled, by my own slacker jurisdictions, to emancipate myself, of my own accord mind you, from the shackled lifestyle of C*nv*rgys life. My only regret is that I wasn’t able to reclaim my Christmas Party bean bag from the internal fraud perpetrator, who ostensibly claimed said object of my grief, under the false pretenses that he was my person. Of course, none of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for the foolhardiness of the Human Resources employee on shift that sad, unfortunate day, when she failed to check for identification. Now, I have left the company with a heavy and, most deploringly, couch-less heart.
So what exactly came over me that uber-depressing day that I had to walk around puddles of muddy water, down the long, meager streets of Legazpi Village, when I could have been hibernating away with unlimited hours of languid sleep on my conventional bed with its stale, unchanged sheets? (What? I’m a guy, so sue me.) Elementary, my dear Watson. I was coerced (by my oh-so-kind heart, of course) to accompany my good friend in her present search for a new place of employment. And before anyone of you starts with the mushy aw’s and ooh’s, not that it’s even possible to deny that this was an exceptionally sweet and endearing gesture, even for the likes of little apathetic me, let me just explain that I was also feeling the pressure to resume working status, due to my piling mobile phone bills, and my recent, undeniable lack of new clothes. Yes, as difficult as it is to sell my professionally bummed self short, it pains me to admit that I, too, have now joined the ranks of commoners who have financial responsibilities and whatnots. I have become… normal. And as I sigh myself to sleep at night, wondering if tomorrow would once again be Groundhog Day, I replay a famous quote over and over in my head. “Swallow your pride, it’s not fattening.” And indeed, the insurmountable tub of lard, ballooning itself around my midsection and man-boobs (yes, you heard me right), from eating way too much fast food and sweets without any means to burn off (or stress off, as I always like to put it when work is involved) the excess fat and goo, had engulfed all my qualms about losing all the glorious freedom brought about by non-work, enough so to actually make me start looking for my new employment venture. So while it isn’t really pride that’s holding me back like in the saying I had just quoted, it is, nevertheless, still a regrettable episode in my slack-filled lifestyle, that I have to now go against my utmost honor and life-long oath as a bonafide affiliate and substantial component of the professional bum society of lazy-assed humans all over the world, for the sake of actual, laborious drudgery. Just imagine the amount of free time I’d have to give up! The mere fleeting thoughts of losing such a necessitous luxury send shivers down my spineless spine. But, as a man, however naïve in the ways of life still, I have to face the fact that… I’m now flat broke. In short, I’m desperate. God, I hate that word. It’s just so… desperate. So much so that for me it deserves to be made obsolete. That way, people like me with similar circumstances wouldn’t have to exhaust their vocabulary, just to end up using it in the end.
And that is why, much to my dismay, I am doing this (God forbid) humanitarian act of colossal proportions, even when armed with the knowledge that I will also selfishly benefit from the whole thing.
(To be continued…)
:p
***
Quotable quote, not necessarily related to this post, but noteworthy nonetheless:
“Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not ‘sort of the same thing.’ And there’s no aspect, no facet of life, that can’t be improved with pizza.” – Daria Morgendorffer, Daria – Is It College Yet?...
